A man walking along a California beach

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to".
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside , what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can make a woman truly happy?"
God took a deep breath and said, "YOU WANT TWO LANES OR FOUR ON THAT BRIDGE???"

Man to God

Man to God: why Did you make Woman so Pretty?

God: so you would Love her

Man: But Why did you make Her So Dumb?

God: So she would Love you.

One day God suddenly appeared

One day a man was blaming to God for his invisible character. God suddenly appeared to him and asked him to wish anything. The man was very happy and asked a bag full of money, a job and a vehicle full of girls.



And

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God made him a bus conductor of Special Ladies Bus...!

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woodcutter joke

One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the God appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"


The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living.

The God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the God asked.

The woodcutter replied, "No."

The God again went down and came up with a silver Axe. "Is this your axe?" the God asked.

Again, the woodcutter replied, ""No.""

The God went down again and came up with an iron Axe. ""Is this your axe?"" the God asked.

The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happy.

Some time later, the woodcutter was walking with his wife along the riverbank, and his wife fell into the river. When he cried out, the God again appeared and asked him, ""Why are you crying?""

"Oh Lord, my wife has fallen into the water!"

The God went down into the water and came up with ANGELINA JOLIE "Is this your wife?" the God asked..

""Yes,"" cried the woodcutter.

The God was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!"

The woodcutter replied, ""Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to ANGELINA JOLIE , You would have come up with CAMERON DIAZ . Then if I said 'no' to her, you would have come up with my wife . Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I am a poor man, and am not able to take care
of all three wives, so THAT'S why I said yes to ANGELINA JOLIE .""

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Could u fax me ur photo

1) Could u fax me ur photo very very urgently ?
Mind u - it’s really very very urgent,
damn serious and very important …
I’m playing cards and we’ve misplaced the JOKER.


2) God made man and then rested,
god made women and then no one rested.



3) Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof,
roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof,
poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.

Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.



4) Life without u is impossible,
u r in my breath and blood.
i cant stay for a second without u,
if u r not there i am dead
hello....i am talking about OXYGEN



5) Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realized. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.



6) The more I learn the more I get to know,
the more I know the more I forget,
the more I forget the less I know,
so why should I be learning??



7) What is wrong with your cell every time i call, a voice comes that the subscriber u have dialed is a monkey, plz contact zoo for detail.

Another MOON

1) Another MOON ? ………..Possible
Another SUN ? …………..Possible
Another SKY ? …………….Possible
Another Friend Like U ? ………Impossible
‘coz GOD can’t make the same MISTAKE twice



2) Sometime my mind asks why I miss you?
Why I care for you?
Why I remember you?
Then my heart answers it’s simply because mental patient needs more care.



3) Ur smile can be compared with Flowers,
Ur voice can b compared with a cuckoo,
Ur innocence can b compared with a baby,
but in foolishness… You’ve got no comparisons



4) Someday u may lose ur hair ..
u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind ..
But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks ..
coz u cant lose wot u don’t have!



5) When u feel sad …
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say …
“damn I am really so cute” u will overcome your sadness …
But don’t make this a habit .. Coz liars go to hell !!!!



6) When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God
that everyone should have a friend like you…
Why should only i suffer!

two guys were fighting after exam

1) two guys were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
guy1: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
guy1: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both copied.



2) Teacher: U have 2 score 90 % marks
Student: I will score 100 % marks
Teacher: do not joke?
Student : who started it first?



3) Pledge Of Boys:
India is my nation,
girls r my destination,
dating
is my occupation,
flirting is my profession,
what the hell is this education?



4) One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.
MOM: “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.”
SON: “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.”
MOM: “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.”
SON: “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.”
MOM: “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.”
SON: “Give me two good reasons WHY I *should* go to school?”
MOM: “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of
the school.”



5) An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but if doctor is cute, forget the fruit.



6) Dear God,

Thank u for making me healthy.
Can u also make me sexy?
If u can’t make me sexy,
plz make all my friends fat and ugly.

God saw ur parents

God saw ur parents hungry, He created “Pizzas”
God saw they are thirsty he created, “Pepsi”
He saw them walking he created, “Car”
He saw them without problems, “He created u”.

Hi, what’s up… listen

Hi, what’s up… listen can I get a picture of yours?

The thing is that I have started a new hobby of collecting photographs of natural disasters!

God made man

God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested