If time doesn't wait

*If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!



*Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear, but what we are inside.
So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!



*He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair. When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.

They said , he who never lived, cannot die!



*A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!



*Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!



*All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!



*10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving. Which makes it a logical statement that 90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!

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When do you CONGRATULATE

*Question: When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer: On their MARRIAGE.



*Four Ants were moving through a forest.
They see an ELEPHANT coming towards them.
Ant 1 says: we should KILL him.
Ant 2 says: No, Let us break his Leg alone.
Ant 3 says : No, we will just throw him away from our path.
Ant 4 says : No, we will LEAVE him because he is alone and we are four.



*one good news and one bad news

Good News:

Buy 1 kg Tomato and get Nokia N96 FREE...!!

Bad News:

1 kg. Tomato is 32,000 Rs.!!!!

One GOOD way

*One GOOD way to REDUCE Alcohol consumption:

Before Marriage - Drink whenever you are SAD,

After Marriage - Drink whenever you are HAPPY



*A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband made a wish and threw a coin in the well .


The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she fell into the well, and drowned.


The husband was stunned for a while and then smiled saying " It really works ! "

husband and wife in chat

Husband - hey dear, I am logged in.

Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.


Wife - have you brought the saree.
Husband - Bad command or file name.


Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.


Wife - hae bhagwan !I forgot it... where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.


Wife - at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.


Wife - I made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.


Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.


Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.


Wife - what is the relation between you & your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.


Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.


Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters.


Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.


Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.


Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.


Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer

What is the similarity

What is the similarity between Bill Gates and me?........Don't know??................

He never comes to my house and I never go to his house

EGO PROBLEMS YOU KNOW...

Recording

boy 1: what R U doing?

boy 2: Recording this baby's voice.

boy 1: Why?

boy 2: When he grows up, I shall ask him what he meant by this

helpful book

Teacher: Which book is the most helpful book in your life?

Student:My DAD'S Cheque book!

A young woman

A young woman several months pregnant boarded a bus. She noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing...........She had him arrested. When the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She first sat under an advertisement, Which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins' . I was even more amused when she changed her seat and went to sit under a shaving advertisement, Which read: 'William's Stick Did The Trick '. Then I could not control myself any longer when on the third move she sat under an advertisement, Which read: ' Dunlop Rubber would have prevented this accident.' And The case was dismissed... .....!!!